Groom: I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.

Bride: From this day forward, I promise to declaw my cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets the gourmet cat food.

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